So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I AM VODKA MAN
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
