I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
