can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize