I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
