I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
3 2 1 whiskey
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
