I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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