Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
