Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do herpes really smell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
