my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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