1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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