and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
