if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
