Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
