I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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