Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
