i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
