): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
