You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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