take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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