explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
