The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
