I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
