im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
