I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
