respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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