Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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