Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
