how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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