haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
