we were pretty classy up until the second keg
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
