Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on

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(636): View more from Missouri

Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.

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(208): View more from Idaho

you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack

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(207): View more from Maine

this boner is exhausting

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.

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(904): View more from Florida

I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.

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(541): View more from Oregon

ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack

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(434): View more from Virginia

Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.

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(419): View more from Ohio

really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom

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