Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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