This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize