life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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