I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
