i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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