Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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