i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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