we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
