and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
