Moan for me like Helen Keller
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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