My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
