shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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