i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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