I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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