great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
