god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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