The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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