you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
