I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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