yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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