so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
