she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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