You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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