we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
