There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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