It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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