where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
