i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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