seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
