i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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