my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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