Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i think i just lost a toe
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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