I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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