I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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