Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
