I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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