he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
