I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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