is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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