That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
