Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
