Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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