in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
